“I have enjoyed a life that was tormented with terrible images from my mind.”
I use to think that my life was nothing more than a mere joke. I found myself hating that I even existed. I even tried to end my life. I battled with thoughts of taking my life almost on a daily bases.
I can remember trying to figure out what was wrong with me? I prayed to God to help me. I have three very beautiful young adults who I love very deeply.
I found that nothing I was doing despite my prayers and faith I was still sinking. Still trying with everything in me to survive. I often times felt as if God wasn’t listening.
If you’ve ever felt as if you were in a hole and like the walls were closing in on you, and no matter what you’re doing or how much dirt you pack under your feet you feel like you’re not moving up?
That is what having a mental illness is like. You are trapped and in some cases you feel doomed and sealed in your fate. You don’t care about others. Ex. Spending quality time with your family and friends are of no importance to you. You isolated and lose interest in the things you love. Ex. If you draw or write or have a job it becomes to much to do these things that you love to do. You feel hopeless and inadequate. You even focus on the negative thing and over look the positive. You feel pains and aches in your body.
People who I knew very well often thought I was the happiest person always cheerful and smiling. I masked my true pains and hurts for some things and other things I just isolated to avoid the contact of others.
I know I’m just putting it all out there but I really hope to reach someone who needs to know that their not alone! I have enjoyed a life that was torment with terrible images from my mind. I say that to point this out with mental illness it is truly about what you believe or think. Most people with mental illness don’t really understand themselves. It’s like looking at yourself in the mirror and not recognizing the person looking back at you. It’s like knowing that I am beautiful but not having self-esteem.
Depression is horrible and you can’t just snap out of it like normal people do. You don’t just decide to be all better because everyone else is fine. Depression will drain you of all your energy.
As I said in my recent post I’m back and I am on a mission to educate and advocate for mental illness